I’m beginning to get scared that I may not be able to have another baby.  Unreasonable.  And sounding completely whacked, not to mention ungrateful and whiny to anyone struggling to have one baby.  Who would worry about not being able to have 4?  Maybe I just have to much time to think about it this time.  The forced wait of healing after the IUD.  Other times happened pretty quickly. Again, so whiny compared to what some women are suffering.  But I started this to journal the journey, so I’m being honest.  It’s nonsensical, and self-absorbed, but it’s what I’m feeling.

Seems the uterus is getting back into shape.  Had some more spotting, but nothing bad.  And no more sanitary pads in any grocery floors.  Presumably, one still ovulates when toting around an IUD in one’s womb.  So, I’m waiting for that, and a first real period in years.  And then a couple more weeks of "regeneration" before any attempts to get a baby in there.  The uterus has to be all cushy and full again, of the endometrium (sp?) lining, to hold onto any hoped for itty bitty ball of dividing cells.  Otherwise, likely loss. 

The little thing that has kept us not pregnant for 5 years is awfully small to have done such a job.

But apparently, for us at least, it does. 

I’ve been reading about snaffoos in fertility post these things.  Scarred uterine lining, undetected infections, etc.  I should just stop, but I seem drawn to find all of the scariest info I can on all the options and what ifs that could ever possibly be applicable to me.  Glutton for borrowing trouble, I guess.  I just hope that our inabililty to foresee the day we’d really want to have one more baby doesn’t come to a point that we will be unable to do so.  At least we didn’t follow through with the vasectomy.