And I’m only feeling better.  And angrier.  This IUD thing could have had me more cranky/low energy for the last 5 years than necessary? 

And still so back and forth, forth and back on whether or not we can handle another baby. And an ugly day out to a Tom Chapin show, lunch and shoe shopping did not help the possibilities at all.  Yesterday, I didn’t want the three we have.  And I know how ungrateful that sounds.  Yes, there are so many hurting women who are struggling so to have one child.  But it’s just the truth.  No matter how wanted or desperately strived for a child is, there are days you will wish you were aaaaalllll alone. 

And the show we went to was not for any children under 3.  So that got me going down the road of having have sitters, of breastfeeding, of budgets for sitters and the lack thereof.  And a design show on TLC last night featured cool contemporary baby furniture.  And that got me going down the road of we have no baby stuff any more. 

I keep asking Mr. 4tops do you really think we should do this.  And he keeps saying the same thing.  He doesn’t want to ignore a feeling and regret when we’re older.  OK.  I get it.  But before we’re older, we’re younger and we have to get through the early years of pregnancy and babyhood, and toddlerhood, and teething, and potty training, and diapers, and 3 hour feeding cycles, and and and…

He had a vomit bug this weekend.  And questioned every smell in the house from a fog of nausea.  Welcome to the world of feeling pregnant, I was glib.  Try that for 3 months.  Or 4, or 9.  Who voluntarily signs up for that?  Someone who wants another baby.