*VERY BIG FAT DISCLAIMER
*In my head, I know this is ridiculous. But this blog is also about my heart. And in my heart, I felt jealousy today, for the first time ever, concerning a friend finding herself pregnant.
Again, the DISCLAIMER. I am so blessed. We have 3 children. We have not struggled. I know all this.
But today, a friend called. He was hung over because his wife had just told him last night that they were UNEXPECTEDLY pregnant, with their 4th. And he had just decided, with her, that they WERE DONE. And now? They are pregnant.
It is a good thing. A blessing right now that they don’t get yet. He had 2 bottles of wine by HIMSELF last night, in light of this news. They will be fine. They will adjust.
But I felt just a twinge of jealousy. Have we been "trying" long? Nope. Suffered infertility? Nope. Miscarriages? Nope. But we want another, and we are in the 3rd cycle, and they had a big fat ooops.
I’m just saying I felt a bit human about it. That’s all. Tonight, she is pregnant with a child they didn’t want, but will, I’m sure. And as far as I know, we are not. And I’d like to be.
That’s all. Nearly too stupid to even type. But this is my blog, and these are my feelings, for better or worse, so here you go. I’m jealous. There. I said it.
It’s wrong. But I am. And I know I have NOTHING to complain about. But I’m still a bit jealous.
Na-nana-na na. It’s just my feelings. I can’t help it. In spite of all that others go through, this is where I am.
It’s ok, And while I sit her pregnant and barfing up my every swallow - I do understand your feelings - all of them, because I have been there. Truly I have, right there in your shoes, almost to the exact circumstance (with very few differences). It’s OK.
Comment by the SmockLady — June 16, 2006 @ 10:21 am
I’m sorry. That is hard, I know… makes it worse that it wasn’t planned, nor wanted. Maybe this will be your month though!
Comment by rie — June 16, 2006 @ 12:23 pm