Not a bad reason to feel so ill, really. 

Been reduced to eating peaches, and some mashed potatoes, with great effort.  Been throwing up Zofran, Phenergan, Unisom and B6. 

Been feeling a bit like we rocked the boat when it was sailing along just fine.  Yes.  That sounds ungrateful.  I can’t help it.  It’s how I feel. 

We’ve made it the final week of house prep, should get it on the market by Friday, and have made the first wave of moving to Atlanta, in with my folks for a few months.  Kids seem to be doing great with this.  Blessing here.

I’m trying to keep my eye on the prize.  Really.  But it’s tough when I mostly see the bottom of the toilet. 

Not so much.  Since I was pregnant with our second child, nearly a decade ago, I’ve heard of this Zofran.  Nearly instantly curing nausea for cancer treatment patients, morning sick moms and others.

Me?  Nope.  Like popping sugar pills, but it tastes worse.  And for $80 PER PILL, it doesn’t work.  Not for me.

So now, it is recommended that I take 50 mgs of B6, 2ce a day, and half a Unisom at night.  Like some stupid vitamin’s going to do the trick when a mega money pill does not.

Oh well.  Nothing like living like a slug. 

That’s what seemed to be up on the sonogram this morning.  All seems to be well, from what can be determined at this early date.

For this, we are grateful.

And for the meds Zofran and Phenergan.  Which I’m going to take. 

No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me.
From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man, Can ever pluck me from His hand, Till He returns or calls me home, Here in the power, of Christ I’ll stand. 

From one of my most favorite hymns, ever.  In Christ Alone. 

Today.  The realtors came by.  School starts Aug. 17 in this county, and people with families (and we have a family home, whatever that means) want in NOW.  We still have days, nay, weeks of work to finish to put this place on the market.  If we wait till we’re done, we’ll miss the big summer real estate window.

However, if don’t wait, and show it as is, we most certainly won’t get what we have to have to break even on this house, much less make a buck.   Who wants to pay top dollar when there’s Tyvek still wrapped around the newly added mudroom, and studs showing?

And I’ve felt more sick today.  

And then my stomach got all upset.

So how did I handle this?  Called my mama and daddy, and crawled in bed for a good cry, moaned about how I feel guilty for feeling ill, and we should have waited on this baby (so Mr. 4Tops could just chide me and say no way), griped about how there’s so much work to be done (so Mr. 4Tops could tell me I’m doing the most important part by just continuing to breathe and eat), and then take a big nap.  He even said this is an opportunity for him to remember who’s in control, and rest in that peace, when the rest of everything seems to be up sh*t creek.  No paddles in sight.  The Lord knows, and carries us.

The Remodel Emergency Crew (my folks) will be here in the morning with tools in hand.  That made me cry more.  That they would just drop their lives and come to our rescue.   I may cry typing it, we’re so blessed and lucky.  And the fact that I feel sick, due to the amazing gift of a baby?  I should be so happy.  Oh, good grief.  I am starting to cry again.  Gotto go find that paint brush and suck it up.

Found this…even though it is the fourth time, I remain amazed.

The ones who say they’re so sick in the beginning of pregnancy.  I’ve been surfing pregnancy sites.  And forums.  And some say they can only subsist off strawberries, watermelon and cucumbers…oh the horror of eating too much fruit or veggies.  Better watch the weight there.  Don’t wanna overdue that.

I’m not that sick now.  Have been, with other pregnancies.  Now, I just wanna lay down, maybe gag a bit.  Keep drinking and eating to keep the worst at bay.  But what do I feel goes down best?  Barbecue sandwiches…the smoked pulled pork and Carolina sauce kind.   Maybe a cheeseburger.  Creamy potato soup in a bread bowl.  And eat the bowl.  Um, taco dip with tortilla chips.  Cheddar cheese sandwiches.  Heavy on the cheese.  I made a meat lasagne.  It was good the first night.  The leftovers make me wanna hurl.  Parmesan risotto yesterday.  Same story on the leftovers.  And for the baked potato salad from The Fresh Market.  With cheese, chives, and bacon.  Hey.  Dug it on the 4th.  Threw the rest out last night.

Not only is it fatty, but it’s wasteful.  

I’ve tried fruit.  Veggies.  They just aren’t doing it for me.  Make me gag more.  Plain crackers?  They’re too plain.  More gagging.  A chocolate milkshake wouldn’t be bad.  Real Coke with sugar, for the soothing bubbles?  Too sweet.  Diet Coke with toxic rat killing aspartame?  Pretty good.  So what about doing what your body says? 

This cannot be good advice in all cases.  Up till 3 days ago, I still thought wine for with dinner sounded good. 

And I don’t want any of it.  If you are struggling to have a baby, or have suffered loss, this is not the post to read.  It is ungrateful, vain, and all around self absorbed.  But here it is.  I do not want to have to feel like I have to eat all the time to avoid feeling sick, because I do not want to gain that kind of weight. 

There.  I said it.  In all its vaingloriousness.   

Going in to this pregnancy, I never got to and maintained the weight I so foolishly thought since the last baby would just eventually occur.   Like it did with the first two babies.  I know.  Hate me that it happened at all.  Much less, easily.  But trust me, this time was not the same.  And now I’m going for it again.  And having to nosh, nibble, graze, all through the day to maintain the feeling that I won’t yarf.  That I will be able to get stuff done.  Maintain the house.  The laundry.  The other 3 chidlren.  Etc. 

So I fear, by week forty, I’ll look like Violet who ate the dinner pill too soon in Willy Wonka’s candy factory.  I’ll be being rolled from room to room, and begging for a compressor. 

Is this the end of the planet as we know it, in comparison to being able to even have a baby?  Nope.  But funny, once the thing you desire is gained, or you think it is, it is so easy to begin to focus on the non-essentials.

At first it’s all, a baby, God, just a baby.  Please let us have (another) baby.  Then poof.  Baby.  And then what?  A healthy baby.  No abnormalities would be nice.  But give us anything in your will Lord.  Just let it be healthy.  On to we really want a baby girl, Lord, a healthy, no abnormalities, baby girl.   And oh, Lord, I really would hate to be as sick as I was, an unsick pregnancy Lord, please, for a healthy, no abnormalities baby girl (no offense to any child or its parents for those precious children born with some "abnormality", I’m just making a general assumption that it was dealt with once known.  Not necessarily prayed for to happen.

And once these concerns are past, maybe, oh Lord, let my birth plan be seen to fruition, and don’t allow me to gain too much weight, and some nicer, newer maternity clothes would be great, and that doctor I don’t like, I don’t want her on call when I am in labor, and Aunt Edna drives me batty, give her the good sense to stay away with that nasty fruit casserole the first week when I’m all emotional.  I’m telling you, God, I’ll go off on her ass.  And do you think that crib set could go on sale, like this month?  I’m really ready to get the nursery set up, yada, yada, yada. 

OK.  I’m going back to healthy.  And maybe girl.  And I’ll just eat what I have to eat to get through this.  Is that too much? 

First ultra sound, a week from Monday on the 10th.  I must admit, I am a bit anxious to see that everything is going as it should.  And hoping that it will be.

So far, no real nausea, only the inability to think of a single thing on the planet that I actually want to eat.   Food = yuck.

Children are sweet…rubbing my belly already.  So positive, they are.  I’m just praying all will be well.